Youth soccer tournament. Saturday morning. Your kid is wearing this FC BATAVIA jersey — Youth Small, blue and gold, New Balance, Fuego 106.7 sponsor. A dad on the opposite sideline notices it immediately. He asks where you got it. You ignore him. Ten minutes later he appears near the concession stand and asks again. You continue watching the match. By halftime he's recruited two assistant coaches and a parent who insists he knows every club team in Arizona. He doesn't. They're standing near the bleachers discussing the jersey like they're preparing for an expansion draft. Nobody is watching the game anymore.

FC BATAVIA soccer jersey.

Youth Small.

Blue and gold colorway.

New Balance.

Fuego 106.7 sponsor.

Arizona club soccer jersey.

Excellent condition.

Measurements (excellent condition):

Chest (pit to pit): 15"

Sleeve (shoulder seam to end): 7"

Length (back collar to hem): 22"

Todd Fingerling picked this up, saw "Fuego 106.7," and immediately assumed the jersey came with its own radio station. He spent several minutes holding it up to his ear trying to find the volume knob before asking if traffic reports were included.

I needed to be somewhere else.

So I went straight to Dorsia. I ordered mesquite-smoked wild boar medallions resting on blackberry reduction with roasted chestnut crumble and black truffle shaved by a man who appeared to own a soccer club, a vineyard, and several helicopters that answered only to accountants.

The waiter nodded once and said, "Excellent choice, sir."

I picked this up right before some bozo did.

Shipped right — folded by someone who understands soccer jerseys, not someone stuffing team gear into a baseball equipment bag.

Comes from a smoke-free lair.

FC BATAVIA Fuego 106.7 Youth Small S Soccer Jersey New Balance Blue Gold AZ